Preconceptions
by Zoicytes-Shadow
Summary: As a former Mary Sue, the muse Coy attempts to help the hopeless become at least tolerable through a program. Mild Mary Sue stereotype bashing.
1. Chapter 1

Several of the assembled teenagers coughed and shuffled impatiently. It was inbred into their systems to be punctual at all times, and the lateness of their teacher made them nervous. Presently, a girl their age stalked up to the podium, glancing around at them with feral eyes. They were used to seeing oddly colored eyes, but never eyes that looked so eager to display their humiliation. The girl flicked back a golden brown coyote ear. "Attention all Mary Sues! Do you know what I have already accomplished today?"

There were murmurs, but no one spoke up.

The girl flashed a canine grin. "I have arrived late. This marks my superiority over the lot of you."

A brave girl raised her hand. "Miss, how does that-"  
"Very good question! By being late, I have shown I am human."  
Silence.

"But you're not-"  
"That is beside the point! Being a little late makes people feel less awkward around you. They feel as though you are like them."

She stepped down. "My name is Coyote."

Whispered murmurs. Mumble.

"I know you all may find it a bit less fancy than your own. That is why I would like a volunteer."

Another girl raised her hand.

"Where's Jareth?"  
"He's teaching the Gary Stues. We thought it would be better this way. I teach the Mary Sues how to be at least tolerable."

The girl ignored the verbal attack with some difficuilty. "But, he's not a girl." She pointed three seats down from her.

Coy walked towards the individual. "Yes, actually, he's a she, for all purposes. Although He'll have a rougher time of it than you lot, I daresay he'll get the hang of it sooner. Now, for my volunteer, you, the one who asked about the typical lust object. Your name?"  
"Lady Amariana Princess of the lost race of stargliders through the endless nights of the maze and dusk curtains, keeper of the crystal fountains."

There was silence. Coyote recovered quickly.  
"Right. All you with names as long as a sentence, stand over there. Anyone who wants to dominate the goblin king without any sort of implications, stand in that corner. And those of you who come to seduce Jareth and take over his castle but find your ice melting and instead live peacefully under his rule, you can go over there, there may be hope for you."

A shuffling occured as the three groups scattered. Coy looked at the ones who were left. "Yes, you, in the front row?"

"I am quite unacquiesed to your archetypical style of overbearing the rules."

"You, and anybody else who sleeps with the dictionary, over there!"

"Whai cnt I jest meat Jereth? Im sere hel fell in luve weth me."

Coy's eye twitched. "My ears throb just hearing that horrible grammar! Someone THAT bad has to be lazy! Because Jareth would throw you into the bog of eternal stench before you could even blink! Now, I am not here to provide a dating service! I am here to act as an instructor in the ways of a longer life! The purpose of this lesson is to teach you to act regal but not overbearing, or some semblance of normal! You are going to learn how to fit into other roles if it kills you!" She stopped, grinned, and removed a dagger. "See this you hussies? THIS was borrowed from another fandom once I found out that Mary Sues are godlike in their imperviousness to death! This is the hinds-blood dagger!"  
Collective gasp.

"Yes! And it will kill you, or at least incapacitate your creator with the effort of fending off a crossover attack! Now in a line, all of you within your respective groups! Anyone here with a horrible tortured past?"  
Several hands quaver into the air.

"Over there. Anyone the last survivor of a race?"

More hands.  
Coy points to an unoccupied section of the building.

"Anyone from Jareth's past, a childhood crush or former betrothed?"  
"The rest of the unsorted hesitantly raise their hands.

"Last remaining wall! Not a single semi-original sue today!"  
She paces towards the center of the room.

"Now, we're going to play an elimination game. The knowledge you learn here will help you attempt to survive in the Labyrinth if you actually pass, which I doubt. Your team gets one life point for every correct answer. The winners are set loose inthe Labyrinth with no responsibility for health, stolen or lost property. Sound good?"  
With the hinds blood dagger still glinting ominously at them, the Mary Sues all nodded fervently.

"Good! Question one- Motion with your hands, because I'm not ready to hear you talk again. When postponed by the helping hands, which way do you want to go?"  
Fingers flew upwards.

"Everyone has one life point. Question two- Is the Labyrinth a piece of cake?"

Coy could swear she heard brains short circuiting.

"You! Leet and horrid grammar group! Did you even pay attention to the movie at all? Minus one point!"

She thought for a moment. "Question three- Do you ask if you want to get through the labyrinth?"

Confused huddles.

"Everyone but evil sorceress group, minus one life point!"

Collective gasp and frenzy.

"Question four- What color was Sarah's dress in the ballroom scene?"  
Coy waited until the dreamy looks had dissipated from their faces.

"You dont know, do you? Minus one life point for all! Question five- What line could Sarah never remember?"

The evil sorceress group huddled, then sent a representative up.

"Yes?"  
"In all fairness, you're not asking any Jareth questions."

"You're absolutely right. Your group can go fare in the Labyrinth. But quietly, don't let them see you."

Coy grinned as the sorceress group weaved through the back and dissapeared.

"Minus one point for the tragic background people! Question six- Which guard said, 'Oh, that's a lie?'"

Silence.

"Bottom Blue, you're all disqualified."

Gasps.

"Are you going to kill us?.!"

"Xena wants this back, I'd rather just drop you all in the oubliette. Bye!"  
Before anyone could express fright, trapdoors opened beneath them. Soon the only people in the room were Coy and the Mary Stu.

"There's an elf clan right outside the Labyrinth. If you keep your left foot on the wall at all times you'll find it."  
He nodded, and hurried out.

Coy grinned, darkness enveloping the room once more.

"That's the third time this week. I wonder if it's me." She sauntered out the door.  
"I think I'll go help Jareth with the Gary Stus..."


	2. Course Rules

Due to recent developments, in an effort to save Jareth's sanity and the Mary Sues who are trying to save it, he has issued that all aspiring Mary Sues go through a training course held by his mastermaid in hopes htat if they do happen to meet a horrible demise, their authors will have no cause to sue His Majesty for neglect, and he'll have a lot less stained blotchy spots around the walls. We take no responsibility for explosions, falling pathways, wrong turns, falling into oubliettes, lost or stolen property, transformed creatures, physical or mental damage, and sudden death/certain doom

Course Goal: NOT to be a dating service. If Jareth really wants to dump me for an Authoress, Sue or Muse, they'll have to find out how to get there on their own with me as a potential enemy.

WE WILL BE primarily a health class, specializing in happiness from reviews and popularity, with a section on awareness of dodging flames, as well as general ability to become at least a tolerable person.

TO IMPROVE the skills and abilities of Authoresses/Sues and Muses, also a pyschological section tied in about having all of your skills and still be tolerable to most people.

ULTIMATE GOAL- Reforming of Authoresses/Sues/Muses to be more assertive/potentially human/individual

CRASH COURSE SEMINAR:

You cash, you'll be facing one of the nice traditional number of three fates determined by the crime and instructor's general mood. In an effort to at least try to warn you although you'll doubtless pay no attention, I have listed them below.

THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH

Always a favorite, the classical answer to Jareth's annoying problem. If you become an annoying problem, this is where you'll be deposited. Also used to keep the failures, as that's the one place where no one will notice how much you stink.

THE OUBLIETTE

Think you're safe where you're standing? Think again. Those oubliettes tend to pop up in the strangest places, darn them. Cleaned out every month or so if we happen to remember, these are used to store the hopelessly set students, including idiotic Jareth lusters. If we're lucky, you'll start eating each other down there.

THE FIREYS

As the official keeper of them, I've decided they need some company. Firileanm has expressed an interest in collecting the full set of Mary Sues, to play mix and match with.This is where you will go if you express imperviousness to reason, have a strong narcissistic complex, or try to attack/argue with the instructor. While mature and intelligent debates are part of the learning course, phrases like 'You're nothing compared to me', 'Because I said so', and 'I am all powerful' will win you an immediate one way ticket to the rave that NEVER ends.

RULES AND REGULATIONS

Leave all weapons at the door

Refrain from using magic unless asked to and then with direct instructions

Omnipotency is useless, as every second the outcome shifts

The highest offences will be dealt with by separating Authoress, Mary Sue, and Muse, as well as sealing the offender;s creative spark away.

Don not intentionally act like idiots, you're bad enough normally.

And remember, I know you're not immune in the Labyrinth, you all suffer from a 'want to be saved by Jareth' complex. You cannot change that, so give me no cause to exploit it, minus the Goblin King.

A SAMPLE OF THE DISCIPLINARY ITEMS TO BE USED

SPARK SEALER: guaranteed to lose your inspiration when your spark is captured

HINDS BLOOD DAGGER: On loan from Xena. Can kill gods and has been quite succesful on Mary Sues as well. Don't make me use it.

CALLISTO: Also on loan from Xena. She has shown an incredible ability for driving Muses insane and getting Authoresses copmmited.

And remember, everything may not be as it seems here, but this is one of those times when it is. Also, Jareth knows where you live.

Glitter and Peaches,

Coyote

Mastermaid and Course Instructor


End file.
